Becoming a Househusband - a tribute to my lovely wife

My lovely wife often asks me: “What is your dream, my dear?”

“I hope to become a househusband,” I often answer cheekily.

“No. I don’t think you can. You have a big male ego problem,” came her right-in-your-face reply.

Oh yeah, maybe she is right. I love my flying career very much. It will be tough for me to quit flying to take care of the kid and household chores at home. But my answer is not unreasonable.

My wife is always an entrepreneur at heart. She has always wanted to start her own spa business. Her passion lies in the face and body wellness industry. Her university degree in Business Administration does not satisfy her thirst for knowledge. She went on to pursue a diploma in Aromatherapy and a certificate in Chinese Traditional Massage.

When the opportunity came along that a spa was in need of a change of management, she, with the help of a partner, just took the plunge to take over the business. Of course, I gave her all my support.

We are fully aware of the risks involved in starting a business. If what Robert Kiyosaki said is correct, 95 per cent of the businesses fail within the first 5 years. And amongst that 5 per cent that succeeded, many would have failed many times before. So do we have what it takes to succeed?

My wife and I ask each other this question many times. To be honest, we don’t know the answer. We only know that we should keep doing what we are passionate about. Keep on improving on what we love to do everyday and success and wealth becomes the by-products that come along in an enjoyable life.

When we invited a good friend of ours to the opening of our spa, he asked me whether I quit flying to help out with the business too. I laughed and thanked him for the compliment. Not so soon, my friend. But I wish I could eventually. Then I could help by sending the kids to school, fetching her around and carrying her suitcases for her. In a private jet, maybe.

Please feel free to pop by our spa.

221, Balestier Road,
Rocca Balestier #02-06/07
Singapore 329928.
Tel: 6256 5288
Opening Hours:
Mon-Sat: 11am – 9:30pm
Sun & Public Holidays: 11am – 6pm

Taboo

There is this practice inherent in our Chinese culture that the baby should not be commented outright, especially in front of the child.

Just the other day, I was surprised by the fact that Caden does not vomit as much compared to my nephew when he was Caden’s age. So I mentioned it to my wife in front of the baby and immediately she put her index finger up against her month to signal me to shut up. She told me later that I should not give Caden the bad idea. As if once Caden knows what is vomiting, he will start to vomit more.

Then on another occasion, our university friends came to see the baby. One of them gasped, “He is so chubby and cute!”

“Shhhh…”, another friend reacted instantaneously.

Strange, I have no idea how this practice came about in our culture. Does that also lead to why we are so reluctant to praise and encourage someone?

There is also a Malay saying Pantang dipuji which literally means “praising is a taboo”. For example, after someone who plays a good game in tennis is praised, he subsequently plays a bad game. His performance goes downhill after the praise. We say that he is pantang dipuji. Praising him is a taboo.

So, going by this reasoning, Caden may not be cute and chubby anymore after he knows that he is complemented?

Recognising that this is a chance (maybe the only chance) for me to practice my research skills obtained through my mechanical engineering degree, I tried to find a scientific explanation to this. During the course of my research, I come across Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Having read the book ‘Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny’ by Adam Khoo, an expert in NLP (www.akltg.com), I am aware of how words can have a major impact on our behaviour and achievement in life. For example, a child who is frequently scolded, ‘You are a naughty boy. You are so naughty. I don’t know what I have done to deserve a naughty boy like you,’ from parents is most likely going to end up really naughty. It is simply because the child has been ‘programmed’ to be naughty unintentionally by the parents.

This goes with the phenomenon of people only hear certain keywords and not the whole phrase. For example, when you tell a child ‘Don’t drop your ice-cream.’ The next thing you know is he drops it. When you tell people ‘Don’t panic!’ people start to scream and scramble. Our brain only picks up ‘drop’ and ‘panic’ and not the ‘don’t’. By the same reasoning, when I made a comment that Caden does not vomit that much, he only hears me said ‘vomit’ and not the rest. And so he will think that I want him to vomit more.

Still, NLP does not explain why we should not praise a child within his earshot. Maybe we are afraid of the Patang dipuji phenomena.

Thanks to the Internet and digital media, we are constantly being bombarded with high volume of information and messages. Whether we like it or not, these information being negative or positive, is being absorbed into our mind. Our mind governs our actions and behaviours and hence our achievements in life. So don’t be surprised if you see young people smoking like nobody’s business because that is the cool message that they get from TV commercials and also the smoking adults around them. Children embrace sex and violence like fish embracing water as those elements are the norm in movies and computer games.



Whether it is NLP or Pantang dipuji, I have to be aware of what is going into Caden’s mind. Minds leads to thoughts and in turn leads to actions and results. Caden has to have the right mindset in order to be a Smart Multi-billionaire!

(See September posting "Smart Multi-billionaire".)

Unintended Influences

I was driving to my colleague’s wedding dinner the other day. There were five of us in the car. Among them were the son of another colleague and his mum. We were chatting along casually and this familiar question popped out again from the five-year-old boy: “Can a pilot wear spectacles, uncle?” I replied with my standard answer, “yes, Brian. There is a certain limitation on the degree of shortsightedness before you are allowed to join the airline. Uncle’s degree of shortsightedness is below those limits. However, I am required to wear spectacles whenever I fly, and drive for that matter.”

“Cool!” Came the answer.

“That doesn’t mean you can watch TV and play computer for hours without resting your eyes, Brian.” The mum said firmly. “I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea,” directed to the rest of us in the car.

Oops! I have not set a good example by wearing spectacles, have I?

Another similar occurrence took place many months back when I met up with my elder brother and his family back in my home country. My eight-year-old nephew was arguing with his mum over why he cannot wear spectacles.

“But uncle is wearing spectacles and still be able to become a pilot. Why can’t I, mum?”

I have to come up with the necessary explanation, of course. I definitely do not want those kids to take their eyes’ health lightly. But what I was most startled with was the fact that I had given them some unintended influences. I was certainly not aware of the kind and extend of influence I had on those young children who know me.

Especially now that I have a child of my own, I have to be sensitive on what could influence my child’s well-being. The words and music he hears, the behaviours of the people around him, the images that he sees are all able to create an impact on him be it positive or negative.

For children seeking role models, the things that the adults do can be easily become their benchmarks. No wonder most of the children who wear spectacles have parents who are wearing spectacles too. To them, wearing spectacles is okay. I know I will have a tough time convincing Caden wearing spectacles is NOT cool when the time comes.

Daddy is just a negative example, okay? Could you please do not emulate?