Taboo

There is this practice inherent in our Chinese culture that the baby should not be commented outright, especially in front of the child.

Just the other day, I was surprised by the fact that Caden does not vomit as much compared to my nephew when he was Caden’s age. So I mentioned it to my wife in front of the baby and immediately she put her index finger up against her month to signal me to shut up. She told me later that I should not give Caden the bad idea. As if once Caden knows what is vomiting, he will start to vomit more.

Then on another occasion, our university friends came to see the baby. One of them gasped, “He is so chubby and cute!”

“Shhhh…”, another friend reacted instantaneously.

Strange, I have no idea how this practice came about in our culture. Does that also lead to why we are so reluctant to praise and encourage someone?

There is also a Malay saying Pantang dipuji which literally means “praising is a taboo”. For example, after someone who plays a good game in tennis is praised, he subsequently plays a bad game. His performance goes downhill after the praise. We say that he is pantang dipuji. Praising him is a taboo.

So, going by this reasoning, Caden may not be cute and chubby anymore after he knows that he is complemented?

Recognising that this is a chance (maybe the only chance) for me to practice my research skills obtained through my mechanical engineering degree, I tried to find a scientific explanation to this. During the course of my research, I come across Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Having read the book ‘Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny’ by Adam Khoo, an expert in NLP (www.akltg.com), I am aware of how words can have a major impact on our behaviour and achievement in life. For example, a child who is frequently scolded, ‘You are a naughty boy. You are so naughty. I don’t know what I have done to deserve a naughty boy like you,’ from parents is most likely going to end up really naughty. It is simply because the child has been ‘programmed’ to be naughty unintentionally by the parents.

This goes with the phenomenon of people only hear certain keywords and not the whole phrase. For example, when you tell a child ‘Don’t drop your ice-cream.’ The next thing you know is he drops it. When you tell people ‘Don’t panic!’ people start to scream and scramble. Our brain only picks up ‘drop’ and ‘panic’ and not the ‘don’t’. By the same reasoning, when I made a comment that Caden does not vomit that much, he only hears me said ‘vomit’ and not the rest. And so he will think that I want him to vomit more.

Still, NLP does not explain why we should not praise a child within his earshot. Maybe we are afraid of the Patang dipuji phenomena.

Thanks to the Internet and digital media, we are constantly being bombarded with high volume of information and messages. Whether we like it or not, these information being negative or positive, is being absorbed into our mind. Our mind governs our actions and behaviours and hence our achievements in life. So don’t be surprised if you see young people smoking like nobody’s business because that is the cool message that they get from TV commercials and also the smoking adults around them. Children embrace sex and violence like fish embracing water as those elements are the norm in movies and computer games.



Whether it is NLP or Pantang dipuji, I have to be aware of what is going into Caden’s mind. Minds leads to thoughts and in turn leads to actions and results. Caden has to have the right mindset in order to be a Smart Multi-billionaire!

(See September posting "Smart Multi-billionaire".)