Loving Selflessly

I was changing my son’s diaper when this strange thought appeared in my head: Would our roles be reversed fifty years from now? Would it be my son who is standing beside my bed attending to my physical needs when I am too old to get down from my bed?

Then I realized I should not be so selfish as to ask for any returns from my son for taking care of him right now. I should be willing to give my love to him without asking for returns. Or am I just being human?

My son Caden is now coming to five months old and knows how to turn over onto his belly. He is learning how to crawl forward by bending his knees and back. The feeling of joy looking at him growing bigger and stronger each day is indescribable. It is like living all over again observing how a human being learning the basic bodily functions starting from breathing to moving hands and legs to flipping over etc. etc.

There are times at night I wake up to see whether he is breathing properly sleeping on his belly. Even more frequently I am concerned about whether his clothing is warm enough to resist the cold temperature. Would he develop rashes if I didn’t change his diaper often enough? Is 150ml of milk sufficient to last him for the next 4 hours?

Our dearest Caden, 50 years from now, would you still remember how much sleep daddy and mummy have sacrificed to get up and feed you early in the morning?

Becoming a Househusband - a tribute to my lovely wife

My lovely wife often asks me: “What is your dream, my dear?”

“I hope to become a househusband,” I often answer cheekily.

“No. I don’t think you can. You have a big male ego problem,” came her right-in-your-face reply.

Oh yeah, maybe she is right. I love my flying career very much. It will be tough for me to quit flying to take care of the kid and household chores at home. But my answer is not unreasonable.

My wife is always an entrepreneur at heart. She has always wanted to start her own spa business. Her passion lies in the face and body wellness industry. Her university degree in Business Administration does not satisfy her thirst for knowledge. She went on to pursue a diploma in Aromatherapy and a certificate in Chinese Traditional Massage.

When the opportunity came along that a spa was in need of a change of management, she, with the help of a partner, just took the plunge to take over the business. Of course, I gave her all my support.

We are fully aware of the risks involved in starting a business. If what Robert Kiyosaki said is correct, 95 per cent of the businesses fail within the first 5 years. And amongst that 5 per cent that succeeded, many would have failed many times before. So do we have what it takes to succeed?

My wife and I ask each other this question many times. To be honest, we don’t know the answer. We only know that we should keep doing what we are passionate about. Keep on improving on what we love to do everyday and success and wealth becomes the by-products that come along in an enjoyable life.

When we invited a good friend of ours to the opening of our spa, he asked me whether I quit flying to help out with the business too. I laughed and thanked him for the compliment. Not so soon, my friend. But I wish I could eventually. Then I could help by sending the kids to school, fetching her around and carrying her suitcases for her. In a private jet, maybe.

Please feel free to pop by our spa.

221, Balestier Road,
Rocca Balestier #02-06/07
Singapore 329928.
Tel: 6256 5288
Opening Hours:
Mon-Sat: 11am – 9:30pm
Sun & Public Holidays: 11am – 6pm

Taboo

There is this practice inherent in our Chinese culture that the baby should not be commented outright, especially in front of the child.

Just the other day, I was surprised by the fact that Caden does not vomit as much compared to my nephew when he was Caden’s age. So I mentioned it to my wife in front of the baby and immediately she put her index finger up against her month to signal me to shut up. She told me later that I should not give Caden the bad idea. As if once Caden knows what is vomiting, he will start to vomit more.

Then on another occasion, our university friends came to see the baby. One of them gasped, “He is so chubby and cute!”

“Shhhh…”, another friend reacted instantaneously.

Strange, I have no idea how this practice came about in our culture. Does that also lead to why we are so reluctant to praise and encourage someone?

There is also a Malay saying Pantang dipuji which literally means “praising is a taboo”. For example, after someone who plays a good game in tennis is praised, he subsequently plays a bad game. His performance goes downhill after the praise. We say that he is pantang dipuji. Praising him is a taboo.

So, going by this reasoning, Caden may not be cute and chubby anymore after he knows that he is complemented?

Recognising that this is a chance (maybe the only chance) for me to practice my research skills obtained through my mechanical engineering degree, I tried to find a scientific explanation to this. During the course of my research, I come across Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Having read the book ‘Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny’ by Adam Khoo, an expert in NLP (www.akltg.com), I am aware of how words can have a major impact on our behaviour and achievement in life. For example, a child who is frequently scolded, ‘You are a naughty boy. You are so naughty. I don’t know what I have done to deserve a naughty boy like you,’ from parents is most likely going to end up really naughty. It is simply because the child has been ‘programmed’ to be naughty unintentionally by the parents.

This goes with the phenomenon of people only hear certain keywords and not the whole phrase. For example, when you tell a child ‘Don’t drop your ice-cream.’ The next thing you know is he drops it. When you tell people ‘Don’t panic!’ people start to scream and scramble. Our brain only picks up ‘drop’ and ‘panic’ and not the ‘don’t’. By the same reasoning, when I made a comment that Caden does not vomit that much, he only hears me said ‘vomit’ and not the rest. And so he will think that I want him to vomit more.

Still, NLP does not explain why we should not praise a child within his earshot. Maybe we are afraid of the Patang dipuji phenomena.

Thanks to the Internet and digital media, we are constantly being bombarded with high volume of information and messages. Whether we like it or not, these information being negative or positive, is being absorbed into our mind. Our mind governs our actions and behaviours and hence our achievements in life. So don’t be surprised if you see young people smoking like nobody’s business because that is the cool message that they get from TV commercials and also the smoking adults around them. Children embrace sex and violence like fish embracing water as those elements are the norm in movies and computer games.



Whether it is NLP or Pantang dipuji, I have to be aware of what is going into Caden’s mind. Minds leads to thoughts and in turn leads to actions and results. Caden has to have the right mindset in order to be a Smart Multi-billionaire!

(See September posting "Smart Multi-billionaire".)

Unintended Influences

I was driving to my colleague’s wedding dinner the other day. There were five of us in the car. Among them were the son of another colleague and his mum. We were chatting along casually and this familiar question popped out again from the five-year-old boy: “Can a pilot wear spectacles, uncle?” I replied with my standard answer, “yes, Brian. There is a certain limitation on the degree of shortsightedness before you are allowed to join the airline. Uncle’s degree of shortsightedness is below those limits. However, I am required to wear spectacles whenever I fly, and drive for that matter.”

“Cool!” Came the answer.

“That doesn’t mean you can watch TV and play computer for hours without resting your eyes, Brian.” The mum said firmly. “I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea,” directed to the rest of us in the car.

Oops! I have not set a good example by wearing spectacles, have I?

Another similar occurrence took place many months back when I met up with my elder brother and his family back in my home country. My eight-year-old nephew was arguing with his mum over why he cannot wear spectacles.

“But uncle is wearing spectacles and still be able to become a pilot. Why can’t I, mum?”

I have to come up with the necessary explanation, of course. I definitely do not want those kids to take their eyes’ health lightly. But what I was most startled with was the fact that I had given them some unintended influences. I was certainly not aware of the kind and extend of influence I had on those young children who know me.

Especially now that I have a child of my own, I have to be sensitive on what could influence my child’s well-being. The words and music he hears, the behaviours of the people around him, the images that he sees are all able to create an impact on him be it positive or negative.

For children seeking role models, the things that the adults do can be easily become their benchmarks. No wonder most of the children who wear spectacles have parents who are wearing spectacles too. To them, wearing spectacles is okay. I know I will have a tough time convincing Caden wearing spectacles is NOT cool when the time comes.

Daddy is just a negative example, okay? Could you please do not emulate?

Smart Multi-billionaire

“Ah Loy, come here.” My father called and signaled me to sit on his lap.

“Pa.” I obeyed, always. Pa didn’t do that often. He was a man with few words. That was his most affectionate way of showing his concern to me.

“Smart millionaire, are you a good boy today?” touching my head gently. I nodded. Then he would let me go and said, “Go and play.”

That was the most impressionable communication style of my father that I could remember. He was a great fan of 4-D. He dreamt of making it big through betting on lottery. He won’t miss a single chance of betting on his car plate number and of course, car plate numbers that were involved in accidents.

Millionaire was a big thing twenty years back. When we mentioned rich people, we thought of millionaires. That was why my father wished me to be a millionaire. He didn’t really teach me how to be one, except to encourage me to do well in school.

I did reasonably okay. I am where I am today. I am not a millionaire yet. But I am working hard towards it. It takes lots of hard work, not just in terms of labour skills, also in terms of changing mindset, attitudes and behaviours in life.

Then I realized millionaire is nothing these days. Billionaire is the benchmark now. Check out the following links for more information:

http://www.forbes.com/400richest/

http://www.forbes.com/billionaires/

My father had passed on fifteen years ago. He had given me a wonderful opportunity to come to this world to realise my dream. And so I am doing to my son what my father did to me. I wish my boy, Caden, could become a Smart Multi-billionaire one day!. Twenty years from now, the benchmark might have gone up to trillion!

In order to help him achieve that, I have to keep upgrading myself, so that I can impart whatever I know to him. For things that are beyond my ability, I will try my best to get him the opportunity to go and explore.

A League of Its Own

The blue circle on the left can hardly intersect with the red circle on the right.

We went for a house-warming party recently. We caught up with friends from our university hostel days.

Most are married with kids,
some are attached and still pondering whether it is a good idea to get married,
some are married and still pondering whether it is a good idea to have kids,
some want to stay single by choice,
some are still single, forever ready to find the Mr/Mrs Right to get attached.

Now that I belong to the ‘Married with kids’ group, I ponder upon how my single friends look at me.

I remember those days when I was still single. It was really hard to meet up with friends or colleagues who were already married with kids. They always give reasons such as having to fetch their kids to music classes, swimming lessons and so on. Gone were the days when you can sit down with them bitching about work and girls over long session of beer or coffee. And after a few attempts of futile invitation, you just prefer to meet up with other single friends. As the days go by, there are fewer and fewer single friends to hang out with.

Okay, let’s just say that our married-with-kids friends refused to be tied down with the task of looking after the kids. So he tries very hard to leave his wife and kids at home to hang out with you. Soon after a few rounds of drinks, unless he is truly not interested in building any relationship with his kids, his consciousness and guilt will take its toll on him to make him scurry back to his home before the fun is over.

Honestly, now that I have become a married-with-kid friend, my focus is really in building great relationship with my boy. That means spending time nurturing him, starting from basic toilet training to instilling good behaviours. Until my boy is independent, my own enjoyment would have to take second priority.

My wife and I love to watch musicals. When we wanted to watch ‘Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress’ and invited our other friends to go along, to our surprise, they have already bought their tickets without us! Why? Oh, we thought that you are still in confinement. You have to take care of your baby. Most likely, you won’t have time to go with us.

Yes, they belong to the blue and green circle above, alright.

What? Can't bathe for 1 month?

Picture contributed by Ms teo. http://www.jesuslovesmeyesiknow.blogspot.com/


Caden’s arrival has brought us lots of joy. The most joyous people are none other than his grandparents. To us, the joy of meeting our son was soon superseded by frustrations of having to wake up late at night to change his diapers and feeding.

My heart aches when I see my tired wife, still recovering from a Cesarean operation, struggling with breast-feeding and post-natal blues. Oh yes, it’s all the husband’s fault. Anything that husband can help? Very little.

Changing nappies? Yes, I can.
Preparing instant formula? Yes, I can.
Carrying Caden? Yes, yes. Right hand out to support his neck first, then lift his buttock with my left hand and ta da da … he is in my arms.
Bathing Caden? Err… I can try not to break his bones. How much hot water to be added ah?
Breast-feeding? Aren’t you asking the obvious? No doubt, Caden turns his head towards my nipple when he feels hungry in my arms. But sorry, not the right one, Caden. The left one also cannot.

Oh yes, we are so lucky to have my wife’s mum to help us with the confinement. According to Chinese tradition (more like her tradition, I think. :-p), my wife is

Not suppose to bathe for 1 month!
Not suppose to go out visiting!
Not suppose to eat food that is considered ‘cooling’,
Suppose to eat lots of ginger … and sweat the ‘wind in the body’ away…

Oh my dear mum-in-law, eating food garnished with ginger for one or two days is alright, but for 1 month? And if my wife is not supposed to bathe for 1 month, can you imagine how stinky her hair will be? And I am sharing bed with her, you know?

Sometimes, communicating with mother-in-law is more stressful than taking care of Caden. It is not just about looking after a baby. It’s about how you ‘should be’ looking after the baby as detailed out by our overly friendly third-uncle, fourth-untie, second-brother, first sister and not-so-distant neighbours.

However, Caden’s smile will magically ward off all our stress and frustration. As if we are under some sort of spell, forgetting and forgiving those who may have unintentionally offended us with their remarks. We all have only one and good intention: to take care of Caden the best we can.

More of Caden

Bewarned: This posting shows lots of Caden's pictures. If you are a parent yourself, there will be an 'inner voice' in your head telling you to compare Caden with your own child. Who is cuter? Who is fairer? Who is taller? Who is chubbier? Caden might make you jealous. Caden will make you want to cuddle him.

Caden's Arrival

He came crying, as if he was telling us he had been through a lot before he arrived. His head was slightly elongated as a result of the process.

Bushy hair, triangular-shaped lips, tiny hands and legs. He looks like many other babies actually, as I had found out in the nursery where he cried together with many other baby friends. But to us, he looks cute and handsome no matter what. He is our boy, Chan Caden.

Oh yes, if you are a 4D fan and hope that Caden will bring you good luck, he is born on the 2nd of August, so buy 0208. His weight is 3.6kg, so buy 3600. His length is 53cm and head circumference is 36cm, so buy 5336. He stayed with his mother in room number 3161 in hospital. My car number plate is SGF863F, so buy 0863. Pick your choice. Sure strike one!

P/S: It is such a coincident that 3 and 6 appears so many times in front of us.

What determines the birthday of my baby?

Going by our gynecologist’s medical calculation, our baby Caden is due to be born on the 4th of August. And she said the baby can arrive as early as two weeks before the calculated due date. Reason being a full term pregnancy takes 40 weeks. It starts when the mother last menstruated. But the baby can only be conceived roughly two weeks after menstruation.

Anyway, both my wife and I have taken leave from work in anticipation of Caden’s arrival. However, it’s just one more week to the due date and Caden seems to be a little reluctant to come out to see the world. And we are getting anxious by the minute. We have been talking and singing to him and practicing whatever we knew about Neuro-linguistic Programming. Sometimes he gave us a kick as if to tell us to wait some more. Sometimes he didn’t.

Then we thought about induced-birth. Then we thought about how a person’s birthday affects one’s destiny. See, according to Chinese geomancy practices, a person’s birthday and time will give that person a birth code number (生辰八字). This code number is used extensively in fortune-telling and baby names-giving as well. It probably has no scientific evidence. But to people who believe in astronomy and feng shui, this code number is a big thing.

So what actually determines the birthday of a baby? Medical science will explain that the baby will be born when the baby’s body is fully developed. The mother’s body senses that the baby is ready and her body releases some relevant hormones for contraction to take place. If the baby is still not born by the end of 40 weeks, or ultra-sound scan shows that the environment in the womb has already deteriorated, an induced-birth has to be performed.

Of course, in some cases, the water bag burst early and the baby is born prematurely. Or in the case of a ‘breech’ where the baby’s buttocks, knees or feet will appear first during delivery, both mother and baby might have difficulty breathing as the baby grows larger. In this case, Cesarean section may have to be done.

Maybe a more appropriate question to ask is: Who actually determines the birthday of a baby? Is it God? Is it Karma? Or, in the case of induced-birth, the doctor or the parents?

If we decided to induce the birth of Caden, his birthday is obviously chosen by us. Does that mean we write his birth code number and hence his destiny as well?

Why Babies?

My wife is eight months pregnant with our baby boy now. Till now, we are still grappling with the question of why do we want to have a baby.

Based on my limited understanding of the meaning of life, I told my wife we should give our baby a chance to enjoy life like what we have been given by our parents. Life, be it happy or sad, smooth sailing or filled with obstacles, is always a wonderful experience.

Then there is this secretive selfish reason of mine, which is too shameful for me to admit: To prove that I am capable of becoming a father. Yes, it’s a male ego problem, to prove that my organ works.

As MY baby grows bigger and gives my dear wife much physical pain, this guilt of not being able to do much grows larger too. Yes, it’s my entire fault dear. I know your back hurts. You have stretch marks on your belly. It’s ugly to wear bikini in future. You have difficulties sleeping at night. Our baby son seems to know that it’s world cup season and he starts to kick whenever he hears soccer fans cheering on TV.

But I have my pain too. I have to come up with the money to cater for OUR baby’s need: Hospitalization bill, delivery bill, baby’s bed, clothing, pram, education for the next twenty years at least, etc. etc. Is that heartache or what?

Okay, okay. I promise I will spend time taking care of our boy whenever I am not on flying duties, okay?

If you look at ‘the big picture’, we have limited resources in this world. Adding another number to the world’s population will only aggravate the over population problem. On the other hand, having more babies will help solving some of the economic problems we have in this graying population. That’s how this ‘baby bonus’ in taxation comes about. No, nope, we are not having a baby because we want our kid to take care of us when we are old. Although if he can buy me a condominium with a big swimming pool or that dream car of mine, a BMW 7 series, will be nice. (See? Being selfish again.)

Famous author Deepak Chopra said “Kid, you are here for a reason.” (Reference: The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success for Parents by Deepak Chopra) Famous Daddy to my kid says, “Son, please don’t ask daddy what is the reason. Coz daddy doesn’t know the reason too!”



(Thanks to all my friends who have contributed their babies' photos to this blog! Cute, aren't they?)

Blogging is like Kara-oke-ing

Kara-oke-ing

I chose my favourite song. I sang with gusto and emotions. I thought my audience would like it. They chose to be there anyway.

I finished singing. The audience clapped. Some shouted, “Encore! Encore!” The majority kept quiet. They kept looking at the TV screen wondering whether the next music video would show a lady in even less clothing than the previous one.


Blogging

I chose my topic that I thought would interest my blog fans. I wrote with such passion that I blurted out laughing and rubbing my palms out of excitement. I published my latest blog.

Then my readers read it. Either they have come across my blog by invitation or by chance, they chose to start reading. Some gave up without finishing. Some finished reading. Some related to the article so well that they left some comments on the blog. The majority kept quiet.


Who is this guy who always think that his singing/opinion is important? Who cares about what he feels/thinks anyway? Why is he keep committing this act of self-fulfilling prophecy? You mean he is so stressed that he got no other way to vent his emotions?

Honestly, I don’t find his singing/blog interesting at all. It’s such a pain to listen to him. Should I tell him? But I don’t want to be the bad guy. You know what I mean? Maybe I should just leave. Let him pay for my drinks. Let him ‘shiok sendiri’ (Malay term for gratifying ownself).

Click…

The last time I stopped to look at the grass at the roadside...

When was the last time you stopped to look at the grass at the road side?

To get away from the hustle and bustle of city, from work and social pressure...

To completely let go of yourself, no ego, no dignity, no constraints... nothingness...

To feel the earth move under you,

To smell the grass in your breath,

To observe nature in great detail...

And realise how small you are in this universe...

Nothing else matters...

(Pictures taken using phone camera at King's Park, Perth, Western Australia)

JadeD

My wife (in case you are wondering, she is not a stewardess or ex-stewardess) and I met up with our old school friends for a buffet dinner in a hotel the other day. Besides catching up on old times, all of us admitted one cruel fact: we couldn't eat as much as we would have eaten like when were younger anymore! How sad, it was an all-you-can-eat buffet! The food was really good, by the way.

And our conversation topics couldn't run away from those ‘good old times’ back in the hostel. Suggestions on traveling plans were quickly met with budget and annual leave constraints, kids and whatever obstacles that we could conjure up.

A friend suggested a new business idea. He was quickly met with those 'been there, done that' remarks or similar sentiments.

Assumptions that all our friends are probably leading the same life and having the same difficulties as us rendered superficial concerns for other people’s lives meaningless. And we are too tired to go into the details.

Are there no new discoveries? No new interest anymore?

“Symptoms of mid-life crisis,” a friend suggested. But we are only in our early thirties! “Yes, if we are going to live until sixty,” he said, not without a tinge of pessimism.

There is hardly anything that interests us anymore. Agreed. Our metabolic rate has slowed down. Agreed. We don’t eat as much anymore. Agreed. We are not so adventurous to try out new things like we were younger. Agreed. Newspapers reports hardly catch our attention. Agreed. TV commercials are all trying to sell things. Agreed. We are too bogged down with work, housing loans, car loans and office politics. Agreed!

Will simple and stable life give us excitement and happiness? I wonder. That was the aim for many of us, isn’t it? If everything is within our game plan and control, there is hardly any surprise. Will life still be interesting?

Perhaps we have lost our child-like curiosity. Perhaps we have stopped asking trivial questions. Perhaps we are too molded to conform. We can’t think out of the box anymore. We are too afraid to step out of our comfort zone.

We entered school with question marks in our head. We graduated with full stops.

How much Risk can you stomach?

Risk is an abstract concept. Very often, it is perceived risk rather than actual risk. We can take on a lot more risk doing something that we are more familiar with. For example, we think that driving a car is less risky than venturing into businesses. If we know the percentage of casualties caused by car accidents, we may think otherwise. When taking flights were reserved to the privileged few many years ago, people think that sitting in an airplane flying from one place to the other was more risky than taking ground transport. Newspapers often have air crash stories on the first page. After people realized that air crash casualties are far less than ground transport accident casualties statistically, taking flights are not that risky after all.

Our perceived risk is very much influenced by dramatization and herd instinct. We can identify with victims easily. Human being like to cry victim simply because it gives them pleasure to do so. It gives them attention from other people. And so when someone said that he was victim of a business venture, you would most likely paid him your attention and declared that venturing into business is risky. This is particularly so if that someone is close to you.

I have a colleague who is still undergoing flying training to become a First Officer told me that he had a tough time convincing his mum to let him join the pilot’s profession simply because his mum’s brother died piloting an airforce fighter a few years ago. To his mum, her perceived risk of piloting an airplane is much more compared to the rest of us who have not suffered from an airplane accident either directly or indirectly before.

We also tend to conform with the people around us in terms of the amount of risk that is acceptable to us. If three out of your four friends told you that taking part in a bungee jump will sprain your neck, you would most likely not taking part in that sport. Would you bother to find out what is the percentage of people who sprain their necks taking part in a bungee jump? When three out of your four neighbors bought fire insurance to protect their houses, you would probably be thinking hard about getting one too.

We do hear news of roller-coaster accidents that resulted in death. The next time you are in a theme park queuing for a roller-coaster ride, you probably won’t think of those news because right in front of you, there are lots of people who have taken the ride and come out unscathed.

Risk is associated with everything that we do in this world. Be it taking a flight, driving in a car, walking on a street or simply sitting at home. At any one time, accident might happen. Other traffic might hit us. The picture hanging on the wall at home might fall onto our head. Or natural disaster such as earthquake, flood or tsunami might strike. Or airplanes come crashing into the office that you are working in. (Yes, I don't have to mention that day in September.)

The same goes to every action or inaction that you decided on. In today’s world where the Internet has intensified the competition in the job market, is working for people in exchange of monthly salary not risky too? The job skills that you acquired today may go obsolete in five years time due to cost cutting and outsourcing. The way to survive is to constantly upgrade our skills and to adopt a risk diversification strategy. Acquiring both employable skills and business skills is part of the risk diversification strategy. Not only are we able to work for different companies, we are also able to venture out on our own should we need to one day. The last thing we should do is to cry victim of our employer and keep complaining about overwork, underpaid and being poor all the time!

My Friend is Starting a Business

I caught up with my old school friends during Chinese New Year celebration two months back and we had a very interesting conversation about venturing into business. The major players in the conversation are Mr Dare Tudu, Mr Study Lor, Mr Cyni Cal and of course, Mr Specky Pilot.

Dare Tudu initiated, “I wish to venture into women’s jewellery and accessories business. Do you guys think it’s feasible?”

Study Lor replied, “Must do market feasibility research first lar…”

Cyni Cal added, “How much is the start up cost?”

Dare Tudu said, “Very low man. I know people buy the beads in bulk. One big bag only costs a few dollars. Especially if you buy from Korea or China.”
“But how about the import costs?” Cyni Cal interjected.

Specky Pilot spoke for the first time having just joined the conversation after grabbing a beer. “I remembered walking past a similar shop in Central Square Shopping Center yesterday.”

“Still can do lar… The market is so big. Some more the start up cost is so low. I just need someone to design and make the jewellery. Shop floor rental is not that high in this small town.”

“But how much can the profit margin be?” Cyni expressed his opinion once more.

“Hey guys, don’t you know 95% of the business start-ups close down within the first 5 years? And those 5% that succeeded has probably failed many times before.” Study Lor adjusted his spectacles.

“What 5%? I think less than that ah…”, Cyni Cal again.

“That is the problem with you all university graduates. Everything must do research. Everything must come up with a written proposal. By the time you do all that, the market is already saturated with the products you want to sell. Just do it lah, why scared?” argued Dare Tudu. He is not a university graduate, but has since opened up two internet cafes.

“Guys,” Specky tried to analyze. “Doing business involves taking risk. Most of the people like to stay in their comfort zone doing what is familiar to them. When they have decided to stay comfortable, they are not willing to take risk. No risk, no gain, as simple as that. People who succeeded are those who are willing to take risk and fail. They are the ones who don’t give up easily. They action, fail, learn from their mistakes and action again.”

“The higher your academic achievement, the more psychological barrier you will have to overcome. Because more often than not, your ego will be like this high,” signaled Study Lor with his right palm horizontal above his nose.

“That’s why there are so many motivation seminars and courses for entrepreneur these days. Because entrepreneurs need motivation everytime they fail. He he…”, laughed Cyni Cal.

“Still, people want to venture into businesses especially restaurant business. Every now and then, you see new eating joints spring up here and there. Close down, new ones open again on the same spot.” Dare Tudu sipped his Tiger Beer.

“Yeah, because people still think that venturing into businesses is one way to make it big. How to get rich being an employee all the time?” Study Lor had done his homework.

“I agree, man. Unless you are the top 1% employee of the company like CEOs, COOs or someone in that category,” Dare Tudu expressed his wisdom.

“There are also people who venture into anything that makes money: pirated DVDs, imitated branded goods and so on. There was this friend of mine who came to me the other day saying that he managed to get a batch of mobile phones from China at a very low price. He asked me whether I am interested in joining him in distributing the phones. When I probed further, the phones didn’t come through a proper channel. Those one-time high profit margin businesses are not for me. I go for the long term.”

“Dare,” Specky looked at Dare Tudu in the eyes and said, “please don’t let us stop you in taking risks. It is common that friends will always discourage you from doing things that are different from what they are doing. At the back of our mind, we will always like to stand and watch. If you succeed, we will love to join you. If you fail, we will take comfort that we didn’t take the plunge together with you. Some might even say, “we warned you beforehand, didn’t we?””

“Everyone wants success, but not everyone wants to sacrifice,” Study said coldly.

“Aiyah! NATO. No Action one, Talk Only lar!” Cyni Cal being his usual self.

Is there a need to have a plan?

It was a typical off day in year 2002. I just came back from a five-day operating pattern to Manchester, UK the day before. As scheduled, I had three off days in a row to get rid of the jetlag before the next flight.

I woke up around ten in the morning. After brushing up, having breakfast and reading newspapers, I was at a loss of what to do next. I thought of continuing reading the many self-help books on various topics that I have started reading but never got the chance to finish. Then I thought I would do that after checking my emails. So I switched on my computer. While reading through the emails, I was distracted by one of the junk mails. (Yes, I received many offers on penis enlargement too. Of course I deleted all of them. You mean you actually read them?) It directed me to a website that offers a brilliant business opportunity. It prompted me to discover further. And I ended up surfing a long string of websites ranging from desktop publishing, website hosting, graphics animation to blogs and online magazine.

When my stomach started grueling, I was in the midst of reading some gossip news about Jennifer Lopez. So I called a good friend of mine for lunch. He happened to be my colleague also and he said that a few more other colleagues were joining us as well. So we ended up having a long lunch and coffee and gossiping session. (What do pilots usually gossip about? Next post.) If not for the fact that two of my colleagues had to go to fetch their wife from work, we could have continued to have dinner and beer!

After dinner, the night was spent watching TV and surfing on the internet. Before I knew it, it was time for bed and I had hardly achieved anything! When I was lying on bed and trying to figure out what I had done today and what to do tomorrow, my mind just went blank. Had I worked out my detailed plan last night and had the discipline to carry out the plan today, I would have felt much more happy and satisfied.

Do you have similar experiences? A lot of my cabin crew colleagues often ended up buying a lot of other things that were not needed when they went shopping in Xiang Yang Market in Shanghai. Xiang Yang Market has a lot of imitation branded goods that are going for rock bottom prices compared to the originals. And if you are not disciplined enough to stick to your initial shopping list (if you have one i.e.), you are most likely ended up buying lots of rubbish. Same situation occurs in a 100 Yen Shop in Japan where all the merchandise in the shop is selling at 100 yen before tax.

Some of us might argue that we should take life easy. We are already working so hard trying to meet datelines and various targets. Why can’t we just spend an off day without having any plan? Well, the decision of not having any plan is also a plan itself. The point here is we have to put in some conscious effort to think about what to do. Should we decide not to do anything, that itself is also a course of action.

But very often, we either implement our own plan or fit into others’ plan. Like what had happened to me as described above, since I didn’t have a plan, I ended up following what the web providers wanted me to do: read their webpage to facilitate their business. If I had worked out a plan to limit myself on the internet usage, I would have more time to read my self-help books and achieve much more for the day. If I don't have a shopping list, I will end up following what the shop-keepers wanted me to do: buy things from all of them! Well at least, buying more than necessary.

Taking it further towards life, if I don’t have a plan for my life, I’ll be like a horse controlled by my rider, going where he wants me to go. Imagine yourself living through each day without directions, will you be able to achieve anything significant? Fifty years down the road, will you be able to produce a happy answer when someone asks you “What is your biggest achievement in life?”

“Oh, nothing much really, I just live through each day without giving much thought to what I really wanted out of my life.” Surely you can come out with a happier answer than that!

Having a plan for myself gives me control over my time, my space and my life.

Must I retire at 60?

Due to my family background and social upbringing, I always had this idea that people retire at the age of 55. After retirement, they will either relax at home doing gardening or playing with grandchildren or go traveling around the world.

That was the idea I had about retirement even after I met my first insurance agent. The only difference after talking to my insurance agents was that the retirement age had been postponed to 60. That is the official retirement age for most of the companies including governmental organizations today. And yes, you bet, I can fly till the age of 60, provided I clear my medical checks every 6 months.

However, as I gain more exposure through reading and meeting people from various backgrounds, I start to rethink the definition of retirement. Does retirement always occur after a certain age? Or does it occur after certain criteria are met? Please correct me if I am wrong, most retirees are people who have the following characteristics:

- Freedom of time to do whatever they like including continuing with their old hobbies or picking up new ones
- Financial freedom, i.e. all of their financial commitments such as medical care and living expenses have been taken care of, and
- If they work, it is usually just to past time and not for the money


If you examine closely, the above characteristics can be acquired by anyone at any age. A person who is born with a silver spoon in his/her mouth can practically retire since day one. (Alternatively, you can marry a rich husband/wife and reach an agreement that he/she works while you enjoy life. :-) ) Unfortunately, I am not one of them. Like the majority of us, I still have to work for my retirement.

The next question will be: Do most of the people manage to assume the above-mentioned characteristics by the age of 60 – the official retirement age? Some do, some don’t. Those who plan early do. Those who didn’t plan don’t. Why? Because when you don't plan, you are likely to fall into the trap of financial debt. Banks and credit card companies will not hesitate to grant you loans to buy new and bigger houses, cars, club memberships and so on. Before you knew it, you are trapped in the rat race of working for money to pay off your debt. Sounds familiar?

In order to achieve financial freedom, you don’t have to become a millionaire. If your daily expenses after retirement is small, you do not need a huge amount of reserves to last you till the end of days. If you fancy living in a big bungalow, driving big cars and dining in expensive restaurants after retirement, you probably have to work triply hard to save up your financial nest eggs. Obviously, it is up to each individual to set the targets.

But whatever the target is, we need to work on either increase the source of income and/or resizing the target or both. And the retirement age is just a time frame you set for yourself. Your company or the government may have some form of retirement plans in place for you. But is it enough for you to reach your target? Bearing in mind, those plans assume that you stop working at the age of 60. For my case, it’s not enough. So I have to rely on myself now. Furthermore, I have set myself a stricter time frame – by the age of 45. I sure need to work many times harder to achieve my target.

A friend asked me: Why stress yourself? Is there a need to have a target? Are you being ‘kiasu’? I will attempt to answer those questions in my next post. Watch out for it. :-)